The Emotional Chameleon
14 July 2026
It took three years… three years to break free from the internal prison I found myself in. To me, it doesn’t seem like so much time had passed, the turmoil just about waving goodbye in my rearview mirror. But I finally made it to the other side.
What saved me from myself and the dangers that surrounded me were many different things. My music. My passion. My genuine pursuit of introspection and becoming the best version of myself. At first, I did it for others. Then… I did it for me.
I started therapy in 2023. I laid all my cards on the table asking for help. Asking the therapist to fix me. I was brutally honest and genuinely believed I was a bad person. That I was a narcissist. The truth knocked me off my feet and changed my life forever.
Am I going to reveal the entire story here? No.
But I am going to tell you: if you ask yourself if you are a narcissist, and you are trying to better yourself for the people you love, you are NOT the narcissist.
Instead, turn to the main person who continually labeled you as such. Turn to the person who spent a considerable amount of time convincing others that you are a narcissist. Turn to the person who spent years isolating you from the outside world.
Then… run. Run as fast as you can and don’t look back.
It took a lot to convince me that I was not an abuser but was instead being abused. I simply couldn’t admit it to myself. Even during sessions, I would argue and insist that I was definitely the problem. It’s kind of surreal looking at my experience from the other side. Now, it seems so obvious to me. But before… no one could convince me otherwise. And that is how powerful a narcissistic person’s control can be. You doubt your entire reality. You beat yourself up for not being able to change. You make excuses for them and continue to push through.
Now that I’m on the other side, I believe that struggle was necessary. I had to endure all of that to truly become who I am. Because the truth is… I never knew me. The only me I knew was the me constantly having to shift, adjust, and change according to other people’s expectations and moods. I was an emotional chameleon. Able to transform into whatever the person in front of me needed me to be. But as I grew older, doing so became harder and harder.
Do you know what happens when you no longer cater to everyone’s needs and actually stand up for yourself? You become an outcast. Your shift in self-respect is seen as disrespectful to others. Your desire to be treated like you treat others becomes unacceptable. Asking for common human decency is viewed as an attack, and it comes with great resistance. The only way to change this is to completely uproot your life and be willing to spend a lot of time in isolation.
Which is exactly what I did.
Isolation created an entirely new fear: a fear of people. I found myself bound by my walls. I minimised human contact as much as possible… and I was good at doing it. As time went on, my fear transferred even to social media. I couldn’t create any posts. I wrote blog entries but never posted them. I stopped talking to absolutely everyone I knew. Everyone. Friends and family alike. Hiding was safe. My four walls were my sanctuary.
Then, one day, I woke up and realised so much time had passed. After years of individual therapy, group therapy, and working on my physical health (which had completely deteriorated)I was finally back. I reached out to one person. Then another. Then another. And some of them reached out to me. They just knew it was the right time.
In a nutshell, I went through hell to find myself, and came out a better person on the other side. Sometimes we mistake familiarity for living. But it’s not living. You are just surviving. We all deserve to be in spaces where we are valued for who we are, and not for what we can do for others. Even if that means losing everything. The right people will find their way back to you. The rest… let them go and finally start your life.
Am I saying I’m perfect? Absolutely not. I had to change so much of myself and confront my demons and my toxic trauma responses to get to the other side. True growth is not growth without accountability. Accountability is a tall order that many simply cannot drink. Complacency is safer. Familiarity is safer. Facing yourself… devastating. But, if you truly want to live a good and honest life, then you have to put in the work and you have to be willing to be very uncomfortable.
To my narcissist: thank you for helping me find myself. Thank you for allowing my inner child to scream so loud that I had no choice but to listen and make a change. Without experiencing you, I never would have known how damaged I was. Without the turmoil, I never would have found me. And I really like the me that I truly am.
To everyone else out there, don’t be afraid. True freedom and happiness are worth losing everything you have. I have an era on my album dedicated to addressing the details of this turbulent time... I hope you stay around. I'm back, and I'm ready to finish the Pieces of Me story.
Until next time—keep the music alive and buzzing.
Carnita Bee
